What to Do When You’re Ready to Create Your Estate Plan but Your Spouse Isn’t

When you’re finally ready to establish an estate plan, it’s completely normal to feel a mix of excitement and relief. You’re making a significant move to safeguard your family, get things organized, and ensure that your wishes are fulfilled if you become incapacitated or when you pass away. However, what do you do if your spouse doesn’t share your enthusiasm? They might roll their eyes, insist that it’s not necessary, or even agree to a meeting only to dismiss it once they arrive.

This situation can leave you feeling frustrated, embarrassed, or even hopeless. The good news is that there are ways to progress, protect your family, and encourage your spouse to join you, sometimes sooner than you might expect. In this article, you’ll discover the reasons behind this hesitation, how to engage in a productive conversation, and what actions you can take even if your spouse isn’t on board yet.

Why One Spouse Often Says No

Estate planning can evoke deep-seated fears and misunderstandings. While one partner may view planning as a loving gesture, the other might perceive it as unnecessary, uncomfortable, or even intimidating.

There are numerous reasons why one spouse might resist:

● The fear of facing mortality. For many individuals, discussing death or incapacity seems morbid or brings bad luck, making avoidance feel like the easier option.

● The perceived expense or complexity. If one partner believes that planning is costly, merely a luxury, or only for the affluent, they might dismiss it without grasping what it truly entails.

● Concerns about mistrust or control. Some partners worry about losing authority over their assets or decision-making. Others may have doubts about the legal system or think they are safeguarding their family by steering clear of lawyers.

● Previous experiences or procrastination. A negative encounter with a lawyer, or simply feeling overwhelmed by everyday responsibilities, can turn estate planning into just another item on a lengthy to-do list.

Recognizing the source of this resistance allows you to respond with empathy rather than conflict. When you interpret hesitation as fear instead of defiance, you can engage with your partner in a manner that fosters trust and connection.

At times, merely altering your approach to the subject can create a significant impact. When the focus shifts from persuading them to agree to comprehending the underlying reasons for their hesitation, substantial progress can commence.

How to Engage in a Meaningful Conversation

When emotions run high, pushing harder seldom yields positive results. Instead, approach the situation with empathy and curiosity. The aim isn’t to persuade your spouse to make plans, but to ensure they feel safe and understood enough to engage in the discussion.

● Begin with common values. Instead of concentrating on documents or legal jargon, discuss what truly matters: safeguarding each other, your children, or your home. You might express, “I just want to ensure you’re taken care of and that things are manageable for you if something were to happen to me.”

● Recognize their emotions. If your spouse feels anxious or doubtful, acknowledge their viewpoint before providing any information. “I understand that this feels overwhelming. It’s not easy to contemplate, but I believe we’ll both find more peace once it’s addressed.”

● Invite rather than demand. Encourage your spouse to join us for an informative discussion known as a Life & Legacy Planning Session. Many spouses feel more at ease once they realize that planning is about support and empowerment, not coercion.

● Share real-life stories. Narratives often convey what logic cannot. If you’ve witnessed friends or family face difficulties when a loved one passed away or became incapacitated, gently share that experience and explain how you wish to avoid similar challenges for your family.

When you view planning as a loving and collaborative effort instead of a legal obligation, the dialogue shifts from a focus on control to one centered on care. These heartfelt discussions can transform resistance into teamwork.

What You Can Do Even If They Still Resist

Even if your partner continues to refuse, you don’t have to delay in safeguarding yourself or your family. There are still choices available to you, and taking proactive steps can motivate change in the future.

● Develop your own Life & Legacy Plan with our assistance. You can secure your portion of assets, appoint guardians for your children, designate trusted individuals for your health and financial decisions, and ensure your desires are respected. We will guide you in selecting the right plan that fits your budget.

● Set an example. Once your partner observes how empowering it is to have your plan established, they may be more receptive, especially when they see you approached it with confidence and tranquility rather than pressure or conflict.

● Maintain open communication. Keep your spouse informed and involve them in small ways, such as reviewing beneficiary designations or organizing family finances. Familiarity often breeds comfort.

● Reassess later. Your plan should evolve with you over time. Life changes like welcoming a new baby, buying a home, facing illness, or retiring – or shifts in the law or your assets necessitate updates to your plan, or it may become ineffective. When you collaborate with us, we’ll regularly review your plan.

In many instances, once your partner realizes how straightforward and supportive the process can be, their reluctance often shifts to involvement. If not, you’ll find solace in knowing that you’ve done everything possible for those you care about, making their lives easier after your passing. You can nurture that peace even if your partner isn’t fully on board.

Safeguarding Your Loved Ones, Regardless of Circumstances

Estate planning goes beyond just drafting documents; it focuses on ensuring that your loved ones are shielded from unnecessary difficulties. Even if your partner isn’t prepared, you can still take significant actions now to provide your family with peace of mind.

We will ensure that your family receives the clarity, guidance, and support they need, so they won’t have to navigate a complicated situation when you pass away. This is the most valuable gift you can offer to those you care about.

📞 Book your free 15-minute discovery call today to begin your journey.

Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to learn more.

This article is a service of Kristen Wong of Seasons Estate Planning, APC, a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That’s why we offer a Life & Legacy Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life & Legacy Planning Session™.

The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.