The Question Every Father Thinks He’s Answered (But Hasn’t)

There are two types of fathers.

The first type is the one who coaches games, attends school plays, stays up late to assist with projects, and shows his love for his family in every possible way. He often contemplates what might happen if something were to occur to him: perhaps during a long drive home, after a near miss, or in a serene moment while watching his children sleep. He thinks about it briefly and then moves on, as the daily responsibilities of fatherhood consume nearly all of his energy.

Father’s Day usually honors this first type. The presence, the commitment, the love that fills the space.

The second type does all of that and also provides the answer.

The fathers who have truly excelled for their families, those who have given their children a legacy that endures beyond their own lives, are the ones who have made a plan. Not out of a fear of the worst, but because they recognize that loving someone means ensuring their safety even in your absence.

If you haven’t yet found the answer, this is where you should begin.

Why the Answer in Your Head Doesn’t Count

In almost every planning session we hold with families, we pose this question: if something were to happen to you tonight, who would take care of your children?

Most fathers can provide an answer. It’s likely stored in their mind, perhaps stemming from a discussion they had with their partner long ago, or an understanding reached with a sibling or a close friend. The right individuals are aware of what they would prefer. It’s not a secret.

However, here’s the issue: that answer is not recognized by the law.

Without a legally designated guardian, the choice of who raises your children is not yours to make. It falls to a judge who has never met your family. This judge will consider competing requests from those who care for your children: grandparents, siblings, close friends, each convinced they are the best option. The result may not align with your wishes. Moreover, your loved ones are left to navigate a court process during the most challenging times of their lives.

We have witnessed this unfold. The disputes that can arise over an unnamed guardian are among the most distressing situations we encounter in our work, and they are completely avoidable.

The key takeaway: A conversation does not equate to a legal document. If you haven’t formally named a guardian in writing, you haven’t truly addressed the question, which means you haven’t yet secured your family’s protection…

The First 72 Hours Nobody Plans For

When fathers consider guardianship, they often focus on the long-term question: who will raise my children as they grow up? Rarely do they think about what occurs in the first 72 hours following an emergency.

Who has the legal right to pick your children up from school tonight if you find yourself in the hospital? Who can give consent for emergency medical treatment if your child is hurt before anyone has had the chance to contact a lawyer? Who can take action immediately, not after a court hearing or a probate process, but right now?

This is the gap we address with families ahead of time, before a crisis strikes, while we still have the opportunity to plan for it. Standard legal documents do not fill this void. A will may designate a guardian, but it only becomes effective after your death and once it has gone through probate. It does nothing for the hours and days leading up to that point.

The families we assist leave our planning sessions equipped with something that most attorneys overlook: a Kids Protection Plan. This set of documents is created with every family that has minor children, granting designated caregivers the immediate legal authority to step in if something happens to both parents. Not later. Right away.

A family that has a relationship with us knows who to contact. They have someone who is already familiar with the plan, knows who you have appointed, understands your wishes, and can help your family implement everything you have arranged. The grandparents who arrive in the middle of the night won’t have to guess what you would have wanted. The appointed guardian won’t have to wonder if anyone has the necessary paperwork. The plan is clear, we are available, and the family does not have to face any of this alone. That is the support a relationship with us provides to a family during the most challenging moments of their lives.

The key takeaway: The guardian question consists of two elements: who will care for your children in the long run, and who has the authority to intervene right now. The urgent matter of what occurs in the first 72 hours is equally crucial as the long-term consideration. Many families have not completely addressed either aspect or created a plan that will truly be effective when the time comes.

The Aspect of the Plan Many Fathers Overlook

Guardianship is just one piece of the puzzle. The other piece involves what your children will inherit and the manner in which it is managed.

A will transfers assets to your children, but without further planning, those assets might be given to a minor child outright, requiring court management until they reach 18. At that age, your child receives everything in one go. There’s no framework, no guidance, and no safeguards against their own naivety or potential exploitation by others.

Additionally, consider what your family might forfeit in this scenario. Without a trust, your estate could undergo probate, a public and possibly protracted court procedure that may diminish what ultimately reaches your family. Retirement accounts and life insurance are distributed according to beneficiary designations, bypassing your will. If those designations do not align with your overall plan, they can negate it. Most fathers have a lawyer managing the paperwork and a financial advisor overseeing the investments, but there’s often no one ensuring that these two elements work together. This is a gap we address in every Life & Legacy Planning Session.

Fathers who have carefully considered this matter are not merely focused on the distribution of assets. They are contemplating how their children will perceive what they inherit, and whether the framework surrounding that inheritance will support or hinder their future.

The key takeaway: A will serves as a foundation, not a comprehensive strategy. If the proper framework is lacking, the legacy you’ve created may not be passed on to your children as you envisioned.

What You Can Do Right Now

In the absence of a plan, the decision regarding who will care for your children and who has the authority to intervene in case of an emergency is not yours to make. It falls to the court, leaving your loved ones to navigate a difficult situation at the most challenging time.

A Life & Legacy Plan is our way of assisting families in addressing this concern. We don’t provide generic documents; instead, we invest time in understanding your family dynamics and unique circumstances, crafting a plan that truly functions when your family needs it most. This encompasses immediate safeguards, designated guardians, and Kids Protection Plan documents that grant caregivers legal authority right away, along with the long-term framework of trusts, beneficiary designations, and healthcare directives. Our relationship continues beyond the signing of documents. When the time comes, your family knows they can reach out to us.

Father’s Day is an excellent opportunity to begin this process.

Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to learn more.

This article is a service of Kristen Wong of Seasons Estate Planning, APC, a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That’s why we offer a Life & Legacy Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life & Legacy Planning Session™.

The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.